Female First UK series - Unconditional love - Natascha Hagen

Female First UK series – Unconditional love

Apr 29 '15

Female First UK series – Unconditional love

"A mother's love endures from your first breath to her last" -

I think that "Susan Gale" quote describes very well that unique connection between a mother and her child, this special kind of love - a love that knows no boundaries, no end, a deep, pure, an eternal and UNCONDITIONAL love.

However, why should it be that only a mother can feel this kind of love for her child?

Is there a way that we can practise unconditional love with other people, too? Even between lovers?

If we take a closer look at it, we encounter a constant battle between the so-called ego and the heart.

The heart wouldn't have any problem with simply loving, cause it is pure and genuine, but the ego tells us: "if you give so much all the time - love, affection, understanding - if you do so much for this person, you should get something in return and of course at least in the same amount." Our ego expects love, emotional security, passion, faithfulness etc and voilà - we are caught in a web of expectations, how the other person should be, react or what we should be given for our efforts so that from our point of view the "give and take" is balanced. 

If we think about it, a relationship almost reminds of a trading company.

The ego is behaving like a little child trying to get what it wants, but in the other person there is a little child as well that is acting up, both partners are dominated by their subconscious patterns and suddenly they act like angry, defiant, pouting little children. Emotions like fears, sadness, anger, jealousy, guilt and shame pull the strings, but actually, these little children within us would be longing for acceptance and for love.

Whatever we couldn't get from our parents, we are trying to get from other people as adults.

Anyhow - true love doesn't have any expectations.

As the word "unconditional" already indicates, true love is not based on any conditions and doesn't have anything to do with expectations and with the belief that the other person should make us "whole" and happy and compensate our deficiencies.

Another person can never be responsible for our happiness, we are the ones in charge of our happiness and need to love ourselves first, before we are able to truly love someone else.

Heart shaped tree - Natascha Hagen

The challenge is to accept and love the other person the way he or she is.

We are all different, we have experienced different things, our opinions differ and everyone feels in a unique kind of way.

To practise unconditional love means to accept the other person with all the imperfections, with all the differences.

We can only decide for our own life, what we feel is right for us, but there is no way that we know what is right for another person.

Unconditional love means letting the other one determine the pace of his/her development without judging -

letting the other one choose how to live, what to learn, which experiences to make and with whom, even if it means to let that somebody go in love.

Natascha Hagen's series of guest blog posts for Female First

More on Female First UK

Every two weeks I write guest blog posts for Female First UK and this week, there is more on the topic of "Unconditional love" on http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/